NAIT Student Counselling

Date or acquaintance rape is defined as being forced or pressured into having sex against your will and without your consent by a person who is known to you. It includes new acquaintances or ongoing relationships. The best defense against date rape is to become informed and to minimize situations that put you at risk. Here are some suggestions:

• Don't keep your head in the sand. Recognize that date rape or acquaintance rape could happen to you.
• Know that it is your right to set limits, to defend them, and to tell your partner if/when you do and don't want to make love.
• Firmly discourage any unwanted contact, even if it is casual.
• Be assertive in setting relationship boundaries. Think about your limits in advance and communicate limits and expectations clearly (e.g. how much touch is okay). If you are clear in your own mind about your limits it is easier to communicate them.
• Passivity may be interpreted as permission, so say 'No' in a tone that relays that you mean it. Don't hint or expect anyone to read your mind.
• Be wary of acquaintances who are excessively jealous or possessive, get hostile when you say no, ignore your wishes or opinions, act in an intimidating way, or attempt to make you feel guilty if you say no to sex.

  If you are uncertain about the person you are with avoid alcohol or drugs.

          If you do get into a situation where you feel uncomfortable or are forced:

• Try to stay calm. Think about your options and how safe it would be to resist.
• Say NO strongly.
• If you have a safe option to resist act quickly.
• Try to get away. Use self defense tactics. You may be able to hit, bite or kick to gain a chance of escape. However realize that fighting back might cause the offender to become violent so appraise the situation.
• Yell for help.
• Buy time with talk. Try to convince or persuade the offender. Flatter him. When he thinks he no longer needs to use force, he may ease up his guard and give you a chance to break away.
• Be as non-seductive as possible. Tell him you have a sexually transmitted disease, your period, or that you are pregnant. Do physical things to turn him off (e.g. urinate on the floor, pick your nose, pass gas, belch or vomit).
• Remember that giving in is not consent. It may be the only survival strategy.

If you are raped get medical attention as soon as possible. Do not shower or bathe until you have been examined at an emergency department. Go to a friend or family member who will be supportive. Report the attack to police. And remember rape is not your fault, it is an act of violence.

Men have the responsibility to prevent date rape too:

• Listen carefully to what the woman is saying. If you feel like you are getting a mixed message, clarify what she wants.
• Be sensitive to women who are unsure whether they want to have sex. If you pressure a woman into sex, this is classified as force.
• Do not let your desires control your actions. Think about whether you really want to have sex with someone who doesn't want to have sex with you.
• Remember that date rape is a crime and that it is never acceptable to use force in sexual situations.
• Don't make assumptions about a woman's behavior. Because a woman drinks or dresses sexily does not mean that she is inviting you to have sex.
• The fact that you were intoxicated is not a legal defense to rape. You are responsible for your actions, whether drunk or sober.
• Just because a woman has had sex with you previously does not mean you have the right to have sex in the future. Date rape is a crime even if there has been past sexual involvement.
• Don't assume that a woman who consents to kissing or other sexual intimacies is willing to have sexual intercourse.
• If you have sex with a woman who is drugged, intoxicated, incapable of saying no, or unaware of what is happening, you may be guilty of rape.
• Get involved if you believe someone is at risk. Don't be afraid to intervene - you may save a woman from assault and a man from criminal prosecution.
• Recognize that uncaring or forceful treatment of women will affect your own relationships. Women who have been raped or faced an attempted rape will likely have difficulty feeling trust in relationships.

Student Counselling is open from 8:00 a.m. to 4:30 p.m. Make an appointment to discuss any personal concerns by calling 780-378-6133 or booking in person at Room W111-PB, or by emailing ssd@nait.ca.